Unintentional Voyeur

Voyeuristic in nature,

I watched you today.

Soothed by your obliviousness

to my existence instead of dismayed.

The robe of daddy your wore

with attention and extreme care,

Pessimistically speaking,

the proper wear of this garment is really rare.

Not merely a father, the bearer of a seed,

But instead the precious term, "Daddy"

satisfying every need.

"Becoming", I mused,

as I watched you with each child.

Second nature to a real man,

begrudged by the buck wild.

My temperature raised; nipples hardened, excitement brewed,

as I was the recipient of an unintended view into you.

An aphrodisiac of sorts;

analogous to Oedipus with the sexes changed.

Rooted in my desertion in my own father's name.

Like a fly on the wall

I inhaled and I absorbed.

relishing in the fact of

a black father on call.

I smiled as I fought the urge to speak and I restrained myself at bay

Voyeuristic in nature,

I watched you today.

Morning Shower

It’s time for my morning shower
A hygienic brainwashing
Cleansing the dirt build-up in my mind
Purging stress, strain
and the residue
that negativity left behind

It’s time to let the rich lather
of love, hope and rebirth
Rinse away
Anger, depression
And questions of self worth.

It’s time to scrub away discolored thoughts
The grime of worries
The soot of troubles
The mud of confusion
The sludge of pain
Time to remove the impurities of my brain
While soaking in the bubbles of new beginnings
And washing everything else down the drain

It’s time for my morning shower
And time to get dressed for my life
© A Deeva 11/9/05

ADQ - It takes a village to raise a child (adult language)

My world.....

Soooooo I'm sitting on the porch....the boys are at the park.....

A kid about 5'11, 16 or 17 comes down the street....he does not see me....he hollers to another kid....."Tell Jasmin, I don't want to hear that "shit" she needs to get her ass in gear, I'm tired of her acting a fucking bitch."

Me: Huh....why is this young man's mouth saying stuff he don't need to be saying.....(note to self....leave it alone Lorraine....that bear cub is not yours....leave it alone.....but HELL....ya'll know I can't!!!!! Even when I try to stay out....I just can't......I missed that line when God was passing out character traits....I can't just chastise my own....I have a NEED to try and keep all them youngins in line....it is what I do...rightfully or wrongfully so....it is A Deeva's way)

Me out of the blue to him: "Hey....Hey....stop that language young man.....what's wrong with you??? Would your mother feel a sense of pride hearing you talk that way....I think not, and the neighbors don't want to hear it either....there are other ways to EXPRESS yourself....Cursing is an indication of ignorance....it shows that you do not know how to express yourself in a manner that is less vulgar....and I would bet that you can, if you chose to, express yourself in an appropriate manner....one that does not hurt EVERYBODY'S ears......save the cursing for another avenue, one that doesn't have to be in earshot of those that don't want to hear it........that really isn't necessary and even though I don't know you.....I would bet that you are smarter than that, and can express yourself better than vulgarity if you chose to......all this cursing is beneath you.....I'm willing to put money on that."

He gives me this look for a few seconds where I can read his body language and what it is saying is...."Who the "F" are you to be talking to me like that....I don't know you from Adam and I could give a care what you think".......That thought is SCREAMING from his head in neon lights.......

Yet I hold my ground.....and my looks of "disappointment" to him......

For a moment, I regret saying anything to him, because I am in front of my house and who knows what repercussions could come from it, to me or my boys because I "opened my big mouth" to check a child that was not mine in this day and age......

But there is something about me....I can't shut up....even when I need to.....so I said what I did....

He gave me "that" look and I expected him to "challenge" me, but he didn't.....after giving me "that" look for a few seconds....the look that we BOTH knew he was "right there" on the boarder of telling me off or acting like he had some sense.........after "that" look.............

He said, "I'm sorry ma'am, you're right....it won't happen again."

Thank you Jesus....that is what he should have said....

It takes a village to raise a child.....that boy is gonna curse....yeah, I know that, and I also know that in the scheme of things of what he could have been doing wrong....cursing is MINIMAL.......I recognize that....He is going to curse.....all teenage kids do.....but I still HAD to check him on it, and I betcha he is gonna look side to side next time before he does again.....because he knows NOT only is his mom watching his actions....but others are as well.....and in that....in instilling a bird on his shoulder that says...."think twice before anything comes out yo mouth"......I find comfort in that I did my part to help raise my village.

Today it was a good day..